I think i sorta joined a cult last night
And, I saw Emily's panties. How? She doesn't sit like a lady.
She never called back. Financed a fleshlight.
i dont know what to do
with your life?
no, with my silly bandz, im already wearing 3
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I was relieved after I found the unopened condom in my pocket. Then I found the open one in the other pocket..
I feel like somehow my uterus ended up in my ribcage from all the keg stands i did last night..
Who would we be if we didn't go out to drink during finals week? NOBODY
I have a pocket in my purse that is just for condoms and cocktail swords. I feel like that speaks volumes about me as a person
Thank you for not boning my boss.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Also. After puking outside of the bar last night, some guy (who saw me puking) said I looked like Jennifer Lawrence, called me J Law, got my number and is now texting me. Who knew puking and rallying would do me any good
You rope them in with the looks and the boobs, and I'll bore them into submission with random trivia. We can't lose.
I just moonwalked my socks off. THAT LAZY. THAT HIGH.
I'm pretty sure that my eyebrow is going to be swollen from a sex injury tomorrow and possibly a black eye. If it forms that way it wiil be the second time. Different eyeball. Different decade.
I'm so upset I left my sombrero at the expo center
Sorry about my sloppy drunk texts. I'm not sure talking about banging a near dead Jimmy Stewart was my finest moment
Randomize