He was rambling about life and dignity and happiness. but all i kept thinking was PENIS. YOU HAVE A PENIS. I CAN SHOW YOU WHERE TO PUT THAT PENIS.
It smells like ranch
Must be all the white people
dude they had a "sorry for partying" wall in their house which consisted if all the hospital bills, tickets, detox receipts and court orders they've gotten. The ENTIRE wall was covered.
As girls, Bert & Ernie are not very bangable costumes. At least not by who we'd want to get banged by.
I was kidding. But I promise you I'd still find us the most eligible bangables, even if we dressed up like a dumpster and a prom night baby.
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I just brushed my teeth. In the car. With watered down Sprite. From Saturday. Multi-tasking at its finest.
I'm not asking you to commit. I'm politely asking your penis to be my friend.
My vagina is trying to run away to Boston without me.
And to add, there was a fat guy right next to me who, when the girls would shake their butts, he would let out a shrill xena warrior princess cheer
The only word that describes how much hair I shaved off of my ass is "considerable".
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My penis has like 3 people bidding on it
Now all I want to do is stay up, drink wine, and look at dragons.
Nothing says "I'm sorry for shitting in your bed" like an Olive Garden gift card
That's okay I'm failing college because I'm to busy giving over the pant handjobs in class..
That's why my boobs are so big, they're full of secrets.
don't take offense to this but at the strip club tonight I legit believed one girl was you. almost hopped on stage and freaked out at you. you're a beauty.
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