i celebrated the independence of our country by dry heaving tequila all morning. so classy. happy 4th.
Just found out my brother beats off to Lauren Conrad. the Hills will never be the same.
You guys tried to boil water to fill up the empty hot tub. After the fourth trip back with the kettle you gave up.
they lined up to high five me when i got taken out by the stretcher. The paramedic high fived them too
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Instead of politely asking me to shave, he passive-aggressively left me a groupon for a bikini wax. So I passive-aggresively fucked his roommate. And his roommate didn't mind my bush when he went down on me. Anyway, do you want the groupon or not?
I felt so bad for you. Drunk Rachael wanted nothing more than to crawl into the cop car and give you a hug. Luckily Mollied/Barred out Rachael convinced Drunk Rachael this was a terrible idea. So I ran. I have your keys btw
I lost all of my bathing suit tops.. This is both a success and a failure
The internet is out at West Chester so I'm masturbating using my imagination. What is this, the fucking dark ages?
That edible kicked in right as I was upside-down on that rollercoaster. Fucking.mind.blown.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
she made me cum so hard I dislocated my jaw. I'm keeping her
Dude, he paid us overtime to smoke weed out of a bong at his house
I lost my voice. So I'm going to pretend I'm Ariel with legs today.
My farts smell like burning tires and false courage
So as you were leaving, you leaned on the table too much and 3 glasses slid and fell to the floor. You then looked at me and said "To be honest, glass isnt that expensive anyways" and stumbled out of the bar.
Not only is he funny, he had a REALLY big dick
He's old enough to be your father!
REALLY. BIG. DICK.
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