Nyc is like a mosaic of my failed dates.
While she was crying about breaking up, he looked at her through his fork and said "of course she's upset, she's in jail." Having sex with him tonight.
I am currently sitting on a candy bar to warm it up cause it was in the fridge so I can eat it while watching the last song and smoking weed by myself
My nipple ring got caught on the rug again. Tequila makes me unlearn these things
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
well its a long story but basically i overcame many cockblocks
Drunk you assumed that me saying I thought squirrels were cute meant for you to trap one in my car by luring it in with ham. You're going to hell for this.
I'm doing somethin that's never been done before...the 10 am booty call come over
yeah that's what i said...you fucked him and peed on his comforter
yeah well...Like any great yacht, I leave a wake
Dude she let me install handle bars on her headboard. I should have nailed my boss years ago.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just hope I don't wheeze during sex
but, alas, I am not the lady in the streets. I'm simply the freak in the sheets.
He understood my need for pizza was more important than my need for sex. He's the one.
Can I just keep holy water in the night stand next to the vibrator?
Your vagina is like Nancy Drew lately.
She ripped her shorts off and yelled "VAGINA TIME!"
Randomize