put your party hat on. and by party hat I mean no panties
Kris Allen: Jason Mraz mixed with John Mayer and a splash of orgasmmm
Once again you get dinner and all I get is semen on my leg
as veruca salt said, "i want it now!"
uhh im not your indulgent father, stoned and im in the middle of making tacos. right now, tacos win
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i just used burnetts to get spraypaint off the floor of my dorm lobby
I just saw a homeless guy on rollerblades; I don't think I've ever felt sorrier for someone in my life.
not allowed to tweet this cos she's following me but i definitely just got head in a stairwell of the university of chicago. wanted you all to know.
I think my goal in life now is to be a Trending topic on Twitter after I die.
It's refreshing to see you in something that is stained with something other than vomit and spilled alcohol.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He offered but I said no. I didn't think it'd be cool to accept cupcakes in the mens room of a gentlemans club.
And as far as being fat goes I just did like 20 minutes of p90x and now i'm eating frosting out of the container....
I swear to god he's a one man village people.
He was showing him the picture of the 40 year old woman he made out with in Florida, turns out Chris made out with the same woman.
Go her
That time we were having sex when you were super drunk, I kept yelling out, "Oh God," and you said, "You're going to need him after this." Idk why I suddenly thought of that.
Is it day drinking when the suns up like when does that start
asking for a friend
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