the shit that comes out of a woman's mouth when she knows you can't hit her is fucking unbelieveable
i just wanna skin you and wear you like last years versace.
you may have the big hair, fake nails, and talk with a fake accent, but you will NEVER be a housewife from new jersey so STOP TRYING.
i wish peter jackson would direct porn
I wish life was like the Sims. Right when you're pregnant the music would play and I would just know instead of agonizing for the next two weeks.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
She keeps referring to it as an "us" Either she is seriously mistaken on what fuck buddies are or she learned another meaning of the word "us"
Well see how he likes it when I randomly start crying and saying my dads name during sex I WILL RUIN ALL HIS FUTURE BONERS
Seriously. All i can say is im covered in mud, my jaw hurts, i cannot straighten my arm, egg is everywhere, and there is a dead squirrel.
I don't think she considers it a date unless she publicly urinates
I cannot believe this. A potential 2016 Olympiad wants my vag. To which I respond "GO FOR THE GOLD"
you have to be that girl in the audience holding up the sign that says i fucked the shit out of you
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I think sneezing out coked up boogers onto your professor disqualifies you from the "I was sick" excuse
We don't have the same problems as normal people do we?
What're you gonna do with the rest of your night?
Probably watching cooking videos and fantasizing about pie
So hypothetically speaking.. say someone dropped their birth control pill in a hot bowl of soup, and it possibly disintegrated.. would it be just as useful?
A Valium induced mom decided to walk into my bedroom this morning without knocking. Guess what I was doing? FML
She flirted with a pilot and a frat boy at the airport in Vegas and told our bartender his mask matched her panties so yeah I’d say she’s rebounding from the divorce
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