im starting to measure my showers by the number of beers i drink while im in there.
We pay for beer, you give birth. It's how the world works.
friends with benefits? more like friends with awkward sexual tension
You came on your own forehead. Just wanted to remind you that.
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Jeff just maced a waitress...it's way too early for this.
In other words, he somehow found his way to my apartment, wasted, and was naked on my new couch. Completely naked. It was too special to pass up.
I sent him a naked picture of me with the caption "I lost at beer pong, this was a dare. Hope your nights going as good as mine" I've never talked to him in my life, this is a strange way to start.
I consented to having my finger branded. How was your night?
Im organizing a group to help fondle my shoe. Too many shots dude. Too many.
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Well, I had a dudes gf walk in on us the next morning but nothing during...She shook my hand after I got dressed and said "nice to meet you with your clothes on" best moment of my life.
dude this night sums up my single life. naked, crying, and covered in honey. i need to get laid.
I even got my dealer to make gluten free special cookies ;-)
No man we're leaving now. The party will probably be busted soon. O and a bitch started throwing knives around the place, like real actual knives.
I'd love you more if you were covered in hot cheetos
Howd last night go?
well he stumbled in my parents door drunk and then asked my mom if she was my grandma. Id say as far as first impressions go, he failed miserably
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