he accidentally used the toothbrush i use to induce my bulemia...i feel like this is something he shouldnt find out...
You even been so high breaking up weed with your fingers feels like surgery?
Sweet and genuine is kinda lame. I'm more of a bust all over your face and hair kinda guy.
Uhm the hair is off limits bro, conditioner can only go so far.
Bro? You just made it a target.
I blacked in at 6:30am on the last stop on the train with a random fedora on? And I'm pretty sure I rode in a limo last night while eating pizza
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I snorted a few ambien and woke up here. A lady banged on our door, waking us up, demanding our towels.
Look, all I can tell ya is I want to drink wine out of a bottle while you eat me. It would be the most fantastic end to finals week. Maybe ever.
Poorly worded request for dick pic resulted in stoned beanie selfies and "lol". Miscommunication is the devil's cock block.
It was weird, because he kept shaking his head like he was motorboating me...but on my vagina.
Why is my hat full of peanuts?
Don't throw them out, I'm on my way
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You can't just take out your bong for hits in public places... That's what pipes are for. You've got to be stealthier.
No, it's okay because this is the city of trees.
YOU'VE ALREADY BEEN BUSTED MORE THAN ONCE. THAT'S NOT A VALID EXCUSE FOR BONG HITS IN COFFEE GARDEN
Actually going to jail after your wedding is NOT part of the plan.
You are cordially invited to an I'm not pregnant laser tag celebration tomorrow. booze is optional.
You don't get to call me bro after you've had your dick in me.
Pride log, day two. Noticing more bruises and scrapes. Liver functions probably very lowered.
She pulled out a water gun filled with vodka and called it her weapon of choice tonight. She's fine.
Randomize