she's like "i'm so proud of u" ... and then i threw up on myself
he's chasing his jose cuervo with hot tub water
I'm about two and a half drinks away from gay.
I'm coming over.
You American Chicks are so confusing....1 day you are on my nuts next day you be trippin
Dude its not just American chicks...a small penis is the same in every language
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Could you explain why there is an Australian passport in your toilet?
do people really wait til 5 oclock to start drinking in real life?
That dude you fucked three years ago just won Jeopardy
I'm at your house, laying with your dog, eating taco meat, take your time.
I know. I know. The man who pulled me from my mother's womb was the same man who had his fingers in my vagina today. My life is a joke. I don't know how to feel about this.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Long story short he broke into a preschool and threw all their cones into a tree.
Jerry got outside again, i found him making dirt angels in the garden. I need to put a bell on that bastard.
She rode my dick so hard I momentarily lost hearing. I guarantee I had the better St Patrick's.
You did things that should be illegal to a Twinkie and asked strangers to drive you home.
This is a mass text. Who in the hell shat on my stairs last night?
Last night was a bad idea. I'm hungover and the contents of my purse smell like Korean BBQ.
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