there is a polo shirt epidemic at this bar. also, im pretty sure i just saw the grown-up coppertone baby
new low: just stole a ciggarette from a bum sleeping on the side of the street.
ohh what kind?
The crowing achievement of my life is still the time I made a 3 course meal out of things I found in the dumpster.
if she mentions anything about chili and my phone, just go with it
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At this point, I really just need a sign in sheet for my vagina.
She just had to change the song on the radio cause I was tap dancing on her windshield
I cannot tell if the couch is cold or I spilled beer. THAT kind of night.
If I get over there and the april fools joke is that there's no HBO, I'm setting fire to the place.
I feel bad for her, but I feel like she's one of those resource-raping alien civilizations that visits planets, decimates them and then leaves. Those really aren't the qualities I appreciate in a friend. Ya know?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I feel like saying your blowjobs are worth a burrito is not the best strategy to get him to be more giving in bed.
no, but he did start crying. who the fuck is 30, covered in tattoos and crys about an ex? get your shit together, man.
Yeah I ended up covered in the mud by the end, in a lady bug golf cart that was blasting jazz music with a dead phone
She had her pubic hair down there shaved into the superman s............. Best one night stand ever.
Woke up and took my pants off only to realize that I was wearing my shirt from last night as my underwear
I think I've done enough damage with my vagina as of late, thank you
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