I'm not to broken up about it. Our relationship was worse than a coldplay song.
Don't worry. I just took 2 benadryls and beat off. I'm practically sleep texting
I can handle NPR. I speak hippie. I took it in college.
She is wearing lilly and pearls while drinking natty from a monogrammed coozie. If that isn't a sorosititue I don't know what is
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
We had sex in the woods. It was great until some bird started mimicking my orgasm sounds
3 months til "no sober october" start prepping now. i cant have you bitch out on me halfway through like last year.
Get this. Chipped my front tooth taking a sip of a gay mans beer out of my cleavage. Fuck my fucking life. that'll be fun to explain to my dentist
You dont lie about slip and slides
I may or may not have had sex last night then sent him home on a bike with two flats
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
That night just went downhill after you pissed yourself while sitting on my lap
my phone went off during the middle of it and he ask what i was doing. he wouldn't let my reply with "your boss". ..
Just want the two of you to know, I went to a golf tournament today. Respectable, expensive… Flipped the golf cart. Seriously, I'm 40. What the fuck?
I just realized that you're going to be drunk for daylight savings time again. Godspeed.
At least you didn't wake up next to your professor who then proceeded to cancel class via phone while still inside of me.
Why is the microwave staring at me?!
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