Goal for tonight: Make one last drunken mistake for the semester.
Ugh, here's a dating tip. Hairy legs are a major turn off
making your facebook status TEQUILA is like basically saying "im easy tonight. feel free to take advantage"
Also, we should really buy some bandaids. Right now I'm using toilet paper and scotch tape, but I don't really think that's sanitary.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Theme for your birthday? Beer olympics in S&M costumes? Sounds like a nice little saturday
I wonder when walk of shame thursdays in the rain will finally make me stop drinking.
You did it first. I was merely expressing my support for you, by pressing my testicles against a window.
I literally got so drunk last night, I texted myself "porpoises" and that was it. I have no recollection of this.
I will give you the couch, a small portion of the fridge, and plenty of beer.
Got my future figured out. I'm oddly comforted. Thanks, bro.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I am literally drinking 7 day old water and looking for snacks in my room so I won't have to go in the hall and see roommate, because we accidentally banged last night. Please bring over some chicken and plan b.
NOTHING IN THE WORLD IS GOOD SOFT
NOT ICECREAM NOT DICKS
NOTHING
Seriously I'm not after your cock. It's a nice bonus, like finding $20 in the dryer, but not the reason I hang out with you.
No biggie, just trying to keep my liver function in the green
A guy I hooked up with YEARS ago just endorsed me on LinkedIn for "customer service".
We have been dating for 5 months. I'm friends with his sister. Yet my number in his phone is still saved as "hot bartender"
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