my brain is sober enough to have a conversation.. but my arms feel nice
Did you ever notice the eye of Sauron looks like Lindsay Lohan's vagina?
I gave him a blowie and after he said he wanted to send a giftbasket to the girl we met through.
life is all about the fine print - all i wanted was a fucking pony.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i woke up naked with 27 half ripped $ bills in my bed from ripping them off the wall of the bar
He said to me this morning that we should finish these beers, go and get plan B then on the way back, go to the pub to celebrate the death of our baby. I love Manchester.
He titled his birthday party on facebook, "BJ's in PJ's- an adult slumber party." I'm the only one invited.
Lost my virginity in a banana suit. Glad I waited.
She lost her glasses and we found them on the roof. Don't ask questions. Kings cup was intense last night.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I woke up at 4am on the floor covered in olive oil and fire extinguisher powder but all I wanted to know was where the rest of my booze was at.
For both our sake, we've decided to ban watching combat sports before sex
I know it's going to be a good day because he didn't notice the bite mark on my butt.
On a scale of 1 to 10 how good of an idea would it be to pregame at the airport right now
Ten
Plus he probably didn't want to be at home, alone... Jacking off on the big screen without you there to lend a helping hand. I mean, let's be honest. It's not fun if it's not a little weird.
If I have put a neon “vacancy” sign on my skirt for him to get the picture I will.
Randomize