I cant believe that bitch gave me herpes. she said those bumps were just a part of the natural landscape
wait, did she really refer to her vagina as a landscape?
why are you more concerned about her word choice than the fact that I HAVE FUCKING HERPES
wasted. watching meteors, awesome idea i ever had, see 2 for every 1 with ma double vision
Bring mistletoe to the strip club, and they feel obligated. they dont even charge you
She introduced herself and then asked "have you ever fucked a girl with a cast?"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just transferred the sun chips from that obnoxious Eco-friendly bag into a zip lock. Fuck the environment, that bag is loud.
Overdraft my account again. Parents are starting to ask questions. What would go over better a gambling or drug addiction??
I was trying to be an adult about it and simply deal with the situation, but a bowl seemed much more comforting.
I just stood up and am wasted. I think I just admitted to my mom that I am trying to fuck everyone in New York because they're skinny and ethnically ambiguous. Meanwhile, happy hour isn't over yet.
Life for us students isn't all fun and drunken lesbian affairs you know
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Found the puke drawer
I just got a reminder alert on my phone for an event I titled "Bradley getting stupid high with me in bed." I assume we planned this during the party. I'm down if you are.
For both our sake, we've decided to ban watching combat sports before sex
I told some guy on tinder, that apparently has a prosthetic leg, that I think we started off on the wrong foot. I hate myself...
You can get gift cards to the liquor store! This changes everything.
Let’s not dwell on the negatives. I have a fat ass and suck dick well.
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