im pretty sure while i was fucking her my dog was fucking her dog too
They were lying down in the parking garage pretending to be speed bumps...
judging from the lines on my body they wheeled me back in a shopping cart
I already banned bobbing for apples. While drunk that's just drowning near fruit.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Nothing like running into your favorite bartender in the middle of the afternoon while stone cold sober and being told your grabbed his penis the last time you were at his bar. My bad.
Seriously, it sounds like someone is torturing a dozen cats inside a Japanese techno club while a jamaican yells random hipster words through a megaphone.
I should know better than to trust a man I've seen cry on multiple occasions to give me accurate sports information.
So topless strobe light beer pong turned into me rugby tackling a bitch to the ground.my tits will never forgive me for sacrificing their majesticness for responsibility
Who spent today in nothing but a vajazzle and candy thong? SORRY NOT SORRY
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
When I said I wanted you to make noise during sex, I didn't mean mocking ones.
Out of all the things you could eat off of my tits you choose lettuce? Thats so healthy. Yuck.
lost my vibrator and now I have to masturbate manually. The struggle is fucking real.
Apparently I had 2 bloody noses and after my sis put me to bed at the hotel, I escaped and my sister's friend found me in an elevator with some guy
you know you’re single when you try to cook yourself a nice pasta dinner but you’re too weak to open the container of sauce and theres no one around to help you
Dont care about too tired for sex, thank you for leaving your laser pointer. I have now determined both my cats are stupid.
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