Just bummed a recreational vicodin off my friend's 40 year old boyfriend & am hoovering a breakfast sammy from costco. And I don't have a boyfriend because why?
no it's cool...i'm just drinking and studying...cool night
put your butt on the phone this is a booty call
How much would it be to rent out Gus Johnson so he can announce our flip cup games?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I told him "thank you for wearing a turtleneck yesterday, I no longer have a strong erg to have sex with you. " He is no longer speaking to me.
I'm doing it for my vagina. You should understand that
I almost got away with it until she smelled beer on the stroller.
Just traded the drive-through guy at BK a Dos Equis for a Hershey pie before noon... win?
How much do you charge for your Funyun and beer delivery service?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I now have a "weirdest thing a guy ever did in bed" story. Cut my fingernails.
Yeah I'm gonna need you to stop it right there.I know this is supposed to be a safe space but Imma have to exit.
SPICY FOODS AND BLOWJOBS DON'T MIX.
YOU SAID YOU'D TRY ANYTHING ONCE YOU LIAR
I'd just like to take a moment now to apologize sincerely for getting drunk and making an as of myself at your Christmas party next week. I'm especially sorry for sleeping with your baby sister.
If you get banged by this bartender you know you can't be mad at me right? Its the rules.
I don't know how it started but we all ended up shirtless andI was covered in crawfish and wearing a sombrero.
He’s 48, has a Prince Albert piercing and a white Range Rover
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