i hate when u poo a lot and when u wipe theres no poopy residue on the TP. it makes me feel like my butt hole is hiding something from me. just had 2tell sum1.
Never again let me pretend to be australian for free booze.
High enough to fry lime slices.....tasted like shit, by the way
Found her with a stray dog now called champagne, crying about how she feels a mom now. Had to take her home. The dog too.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
There is no amount of alcohol that can make me forget I had a Jimmy Kimmel sex dream
I shit you not ... they just advertised a recruiting service for strippers at this concert.
I may not be his cup of tea, but I bet I'm his 10th shot of tequila
I'm putting my hangover kit in my car for the trip to work tomorrow morning. Dedication
Dude. Photoshop a Santa hat on your mug shot and send it as your Christmas cards.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
That's probably when I climbed a tree and told everyone I was an ornament
I just used Bacardi to dry out poison ivy.
"We drove to the deserted part of the parking lot, and that's where we blew each other. It was so romantic."
Somehow, you looked so classy chugging that bottle of wine last night.
Can't talk, I'm icing "sorry I barfed on your couch" onto a cookie cake
No I come to this class stoned every week. Except last week when I was drinking in class
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