I just ordered a 3 square foot pizza. This is how to beat an eating disorder.
woke up rolled in a yoga mat listening to enya. I'm never going back to Oregon ever again.
True but, who really needs money in europe? Just barter with sexual favors. A bowl of cereal is worth a blowjob.
He came up to me looked at my tits said they were huge, rated them a 7 and then asked if girls really do masterbate. To make it better, he put his hand up to my face and said his penis is longer than my face...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
The ideal thing to do next party is to tape my boobs down so they don't knock over the pong cups while playing defense. They came back to hurt us this time
I just want to let you know how hung over I am today and I fucked a girl in a kangaroo costume last night.
All I've succeeded in doing since I saw you is drool on my shoulder
Well his arms broken so they only cuffed his good wrist to his belt. That's how he cast smacked me in custody.
Debating whether the Plan B I had this morning would go under breakfast or lunch in my food log.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You threw your body across the gross couple hooking up on the couch and demanded they scratch your back. I love you drunk on peach schnapps
I'll pass on that plan. The lack of my penis in new vaginas is no where on the itinerary.
Just did. I played that shit out so casual I deserve an Oscar. Or am Emmy, or whatever the fuck you get for acting like a boss
If wanting to text you my feelings after three mojitos is wrong I don't wanna be right.
tell me about the eggs
It’s the universal cock block of this decade
FUCK THE COCKBLOCK 19
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