i just pissed myself at work. maybe they'll buy the old coffee spill trick
remind me not buy ky at kmart ever again. Had to get a manager to open the locked case. then he stood there and watched me look through the selection
I hate that ur telling me this.
He just kept telling me how to do certain things. It was like I was fucking my sex ed teacher
and i fell asleep on top of a grilled cheese sandwich. not the best decision. but not the worst.
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I just remember thinking, if she falls asleep, I'm totally eating that spilled chex mix right off of her.
We just took turns doing keg stands. 27 is way too old for this. Out of 5 of us, our best time was 9 seconds.
Thank God I didn't lose my virginity to that asshole. That woulda been like winnin a raffle ticket for a free bag of dog shit. But with like a really pretty bag. A pretty bag full of dog shit.
We built a fire and had sex in the kiddie pool. Then he washed my hair
Strong work
I never notice how majestic and beautiful my cat is unless I'm blazed
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It would be magical, all 2 min of it.
I'll have sex with you for tacos. I don't care, man.
I thought accidentally shaving off my fingertip while trying to shave my butthole was going to be the most unexpected part of my day, but no
I want to respect them as people, but really I just want to have sex with them.
I'm going to draw something on my chest and I need to incorporate my nipples. Any ideas?
Mom says you're allowed to come home if you replace the towels. I don't want to know why.
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