I just got off a plane from Mexico. At least 15 passengers dashed to the bathroom throughout the flight. Can you tell its spring break?
I am telling you that nothing wakes you up like stomach acid exiting your nostrils at 10AM
Did I at antime last saturday slip away and sign up for a prayer circle?
there's a liquor store near my therapist
i might give it a shot.
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I could only remember yelling "rip it down" as he ninja jumped off the bed, kicked the wall, and superman punched the fire alarm off the ceiling.
I've always wondered why you never put the hotel room in your name...
before we left she put a post-it on the floor next to the toilet saying she was a pretty pretty princess
walk of shame this morning involved walking through the in-home daycare that she runs while it was full of kids. judgemental little shits. on a plus, got a juice box and a graham cracker for the walk home.
After last night I think its official. Deep down, we like alcohol more than we like women.
Can we fangirl? Can we have fangirl Tuesdays?
Sure lol what's that?
Oh, dear, sweet Laura. Please start singing A Whole New World. I have Aladdin's part, you're Jasmine.
Why?
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Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
DON'T YOU TELL ME I HAVE HERPES ON MY BIRTHDAY. THAT IS MOST DEFINITELY NOT A HAPPY BIRTHDAY.
If we tried baptizing you I feel the water would start boiling around you.
Crowning achievement. I bought ranch dressing and emergency contraception.
I just wanna get drunk in a castle. Is that so much to ask?
You should be able to leave recommendations on Tinder.
We were fucking in the bedroom then we heard Sports center on in the living room. He stopped midfuck when I started celebrating that my team won over his
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