so now she's a stripper
can't say i'm surprised
I may only be a second year med student but I feel very confident in calling that a micropenis.
i'm sorry i gave your brother a handjob while you were on the blanket next to us, but to be fair your back was turned.
There's a skull full of vodka. How bad can it be?
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I was in the library and saw 2 dudes hackysacking in a study room with 3 girls working. I asked if I could join; as soon as I closed the door the chicks offered me tequila shots. study session w/everyone cancelled, I'm busy.
Is "you left your socks here, please come get them" a good way of saying "come fuck me?"
Oh my god I forgot there were Band-Aids on my nipples
AND I JUST GOT FUCKING DAUGHTER ZONED. NO. I'M DONE. I HATE BOYS. ASEXUALITY HERE I COME.
I was cracking open beer cans, throwing them off the roof, and yelling "FRAG OUT!"
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last night on the strip the guy screamed at you YOU GOTTA WORK ON YOUR CALVES.
I feel like shit, and I can't get the band aids off my nipples.
Grandpa just put 6 jello shots on his plate. My aunt tried to take them away; he flipped her off. Living in the retirement home has hardened him.
my goldfish that i got the day i lost my virginity just died. im terrified as to what this symbolically means for my sex life
Oh don't mind my cushion, I got plowed in the ass by a freight train last night
Sorry, Geoff can’t come to his phone right now. He’s outside trying to show his dick to a bachelorette party bus with “DTF” written on the windows
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