dude totally just got the jungle juice out of my white top. i am really ready to be a trophy wife.
I wish I could donate my sober boners to my whiskey dick
I've officially decided that whoever created hate sex should be on my christmas card list.
He's the kind you'd bring home and you'd wake up and all your food would be half eaten on the kitchen floor and all your socks would be missing.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I wasn't concerned until I realized he was using the vase my birthday flowers came in as a " big glass" for his 151 and coke.
We were playing hot potato with real potatoes at 3am
I'm glad I booty called you last night. It was nice to see you and talk, in between all the sex...
I spent most of the night trying to drink out of three bottles of beer at once. I don't have to be told the reasons I'm single
hey if you're going to the hospital do you wanna pick me up a taco on your way back
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You were so high that you only FaceTimed me so that you could stare into your own eyes and not actually say anything
Some crack addled fool from the sketch ass motel behind the restaurant just gave me a flyer for an AA group when I was on my smoke break. I don't do mornings
"Because this is an ongoing legal matter" is how his morning after sex text began. So...
I don't need tinder boy anymore but I do need free sushi
Just don't let me do two things: Beer bongs filled with vodka or shot competitions
i solemnly vow to never stick my penis into crazy again
I give it a week.
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