My foreign exchange student got here today. I turned on man vs. food and told her that "this is all you need to know about America."
it went kinda like vodka, childhood memories, screaming/cursing, fist fight, tears, broken shit, passing out. in that order. tis the season.
In case this wasn't clear when i said being his wingman was "hopeless", his date walked out on him when he poured a beer on his head trying to shotgun it
On the verge of sleeping with a man who can take me to an early bird dinner and a movie with his AARP discount. YOLO
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The sense of comroderie I've built with my liver over the course of this semester is beautiful
I went by my nickname in rehab. It made it feel more like summer camp.
There can only be one screw up per family and I was here first. Get your shit together bro
Where are you on a scale from one to wasted?
Like alphabetically I'd say a v
me + whiskey = a bad person
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This is even better than the wine from my laundry basket
Some nights you just end up digging your mcdouble out of the trash and eating it. it happens.
Jesus fuck that was emotional whiplash
You ran outside of the party to do the rain dance and swim in puddles
its like i just tried to scrub the hangover off of me.
So... he's my second cousin's step-bro... To do or not to do?
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