Holy wow, I found all the old poems u wrote me back when we were in looooooooove...just sort of wild to look back on, thought u'd like that
My astrological sign? Vagitarius.
sleeping like a two year old who chased ambien with a bottle of whiskey.
she really just asked how mermaids reproduce.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just got laid for the first time in 3 yrs, 10 mo, 1 wk & 2 days. YESSSS.
Some guy said that sham wows were the same as regular shammys. needless to say you had to be restrained. you kept trying to 'slap chop' him.
just balanced a champagne glass on my gut. thanks to beer im a living breathing tempur-pedic mattress.
I'm unshowered, and since I've seen this episode of say yes to the dress, I've decided to go to the store and get a frozen pizza at 10:20 am. I'm crushing life.
I look like a zombie and smell like a stripper. Its gonna be a good day.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm wearing a real bra and real shoes. I look like a fucking lady.
I feel like my nipples were chewed on by alligators.
It's 3 am and I'm buying cat food and batteries for my vibrator. Good thing I shaved my legs for this.
Seriously, it's 5am. STOP CREEPIN and START SLEEPIN!
I just had to pick up my "let's drink and make bad choices" hat, my banana suit and beer pong table from work. Until just then I couldn't figure out why I got fired.
I don't know which is worse, the fact that his name is Kevin or the fact that he has a pornstache.
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