Just walked by a guy on campus YELLING 'Im still hammered'
God you better not be texting me after just having sex with someone from craigslist
Just woke up and my doorbell is on my nightstand... the fuck?
He's trying to impress me with how much money he makes. How does he know me so well?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
The worst part was I wasn't conscious enough to move out of the way, I knew i was being puked on but I couldn't move.
That's the first time I've ever heard something that tickled both my gag reflex and my penis simultaneously.
I'm a wonderful, drunk angel of hydration and sometimes absinthe.
I'm gunna send you baby bottles of vodka for those nights when you just give up
these are times I'm glad I'm Jewish because the Torah is just like "drink, eat, and fuck"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The resort was totally empty, just June and I. Which of course lead to EXCESSIVE day drinking and outdoor fucking. FYI Dominicans LOVE to watch.
Ok fine, yes she's pregnant. But you're ignoring the most important part. HER BOOBS GOT BIGGER. That doesn't happen every day, and I owe it to myself to enjoy those boobs before the belly catches up to them!
and then you two started interpretive dancing to Mozart
Don't tell him that you hope he dies in a boring missionary position with his wife. That doesn't go over well.
So how do u get your coat out of the coat room when someone is fucking on it?
Yo I'm lookin at the cows. They're just fucking docile things
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