I thought that since they were twins... they would be equally as good in bed
Dude its barely eleven am and there is already a firetruck and ambulance at the shamrock...happy st paddys day
I have shoes on. No pants. And my jacket pockets are full of ketchup and grass. Yes. Good night.
The best thing he's ever done for me was comment on my profile picture saying "hello boner"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
at least he left the skimmer on the side of the pool so i could fish out my thong in the morning
I'm walking down the street with a Starbucks in one hand and a flask in the other. People seem to have a staring problem
It's like I'm in a vicious cycle of noncommittal penis.
Unlimited sex for unlimited netflix. I can deal with that. I think this is the first prostitution deal for netflix ever.
Getting business cards printed for tonight. Would you rather be: 1. Vice President of Argentina 2. Celebrity Dental Assistant or 3. Dial-Up Internet Technician
3. Dial-Up Internet Technician.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
REALLY should have cleaned under my bed before I had my parents come help me pack...things my parents just found: several condoms and a bottle of lube. My mom when she found a condom: "ooo ribbed. Laura's a lucky girl"
My internship group is made up of all freshman. Their enthusiasm for education and social interaction sickens me.
I just slammed another champagne, swaggered over to her, pointed across the room at the 20 y/o lacrosse player and whispered loudly, "I brought that one for YOU." I'm getting a raise.
I'm so glad you support me having casual sex with your uncle
Well, we all woke up in drag with no memory of why we were in drag. On the plus side, this shade of lipstick looks really good on me.
His name was Dragon. For real. How do you not sleep with a Dragon? Don't judge me.
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