she's leaving w me bro, I've been buying her mad shots. She's seen my apt. So locked down.
He told me he had never done that before...I responded with "clearly"
My body isn't even mad at me...just disappointed
You are like a prophet. It's amazing how many people you convince to be lesbians.
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I really hope he dies in a tragic kegstand mishap
I have bruises on my ass from her spurs. God bless Texas.
I just horrified a large group of people. Congrats on dating me.
Well, when he's back from China he's probably gonna be pissed I used the spare key he gave me to prove to everyone I'm fucking an NBA player. We took all his booze too.
I woke up to him yelling "WHO SLEEPS WITH A BEER IN THEIR HAND?!?" this of course, startled me awake and made me spill the aforementioned beer. So I guess the a answer is- not this girl, not anymore. Asshole
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He's trying to marry me, when is the appropriate time to tell him my real name and that Dallas is a completely fictitious slutty alter ego? I need the advice of someone with morals.
Just to update you. I am dead. So your probably gonna have to find a new roommate
"Are we not going to talk about how you got so drunk that you swallowed someone's pet gold fish, whole?"
just saw the most amazing side boob. i wanted to hold it.
if being 21 means slamming 99 cent margaritas at 3:00 in the afternoon on a Tuesday then call me Peter Pan IM NEVER GROWING UP
So the vodka/tequila mix went down fine but the burp made me cry
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