last night he was wasted watching Entourage and changed everyone in his phone book to LLOYD!!!!
I seriously fake cumming more than i poop.
There's people holding up abortion signs everywhere. I guess the people of Florida want you to remember you fucked up on Spring Break.
He's like the houdini of condoms. I never even realized he put one on before we fucked. he's magical.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
In Berlin they just cured HIV with stem cells. I am hereby fucking anything that moves.
She was sitting there stuffing her face rubbing my back with a dorito cheese filled hand while eating something else with the other hand as I was crying.
My roommate is trying to suck beer out of the rug.
I should have to wear a sign around the rest of the day so everyone knows the shame I feel.
He kept his baseball cap on when he went down on me...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
maybe these stereotypes wouldn't come up if you would stop taking body shots off another
Taking my underwear off at work was one of my better decisions this weekend
Currently looking up Winnie-the-Pooh porn.
Moral of the story - don't craft naked. Your nipples with thank me.
Sitting on my couch watching TV in my underwear drinking a bottle of wine.... and you want to interrupt me to come pick you up. No I will not do it.
you tried to strip tease your way into canada but got arrested instead. don't worry, your mom doesn't know.
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