"Ever since I killed her kid she be actin' shady." Actual quote overheard at Marine World just now. Oh God.
I cont stop tolking in a british axsent
i got a mint flavored condom from wellness day...im kind of tempted to taste it
He just left me a message saying he left the rest of the weed for me. Did i just get paid for sex? And if yes did i just get paid in drugs?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Found my little brother jerking off with a condom. he said he was "practicing"
OMG its one we used last night
She threw up in my garbage can last night and walked home with it this morning so she could clean it out...
She is dropping it off on the way to the bar at 7.
Dude this breakup has officially hit rock bottom. sitting around watching women's NCAA basketball instead of going out
We could supplement the Tour with Edward Andre-hands. Because 40s are for the 99%.
People dont know what to do when a naked fat guy is running towards them. they panic
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I feel like the devil is trying to impregnate me through my eyeballs.
This medicine is making me nuts. I just woke up and I thought I was in a glass case with Asians staring at me.
Just discovered evidence of drunken eBay bid. Drunk Mike did pretty good -- I'm getting a new sleeping bag.
the cop asked if i was drunk and i responded with "breathalize me, cap'n". incidentally, he was a captain and i blew a .13.
I let a drunk straight girl spank me with a metal paddle at the bar tonight. Remind me to never do that again.
I'm not too sure what happened last night, but by the looks of it, we must have gotten drunk with zebras.
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