the shit that comes out of a woman's mouth when she knows you can't hit her is fucking unbelieveable
I seriously wish I was FB friends with her
i actually looked down at my cock today and said "whoa buddy, you need a haircut....(grimace) and a shower"
i'm not sure what happened. i know i woke up on the floor of his bathroom, then had morning sex with him. dont remember getting to his apt. dont remember much.
morning sex?... maybe not a total mistake then? he seems like a normal person, so rare at BU
oh no, he's far from normal. i know his high school girlfriend. she's CRAZY. and he definitely deals prescription drugs. also. he had sex with me even though i slept on his bathroom floor.
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we went back to her place to bone only to find her boyfriend having sex.. with MY girlfriend
we left the bar for like 10 minutes last night and moved his car so it wouldnt get towed. neither of us have a clue where it is right now.
Should I feel bad that I fucked her and made her ride my little brothers razor scooter home?
I have been sober for so long that I miss hangovers... what is happening to this summer?
If I ever write a book, i'm calling it "why do i work with fucktards?"
It'll be a good sequel to my other book, "why do i sleep with fucktards?"
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Listen I took a family sized bottle of merlot to the face last night and there's an svu marathon on. Give me some time please.
There's a potato with a bite taken out of it in the kitchen
I may have just sent her dad a picture of my penis. His name's Myron, right?
I just put poptarts in the toaster with the wrapper on, that's how hungover I am.
Officially not baby mama #3. Celebration is in order.
i asked your drunk ass where the fuck you were going and you screamed “WENDY’S BITCH”.
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