I told him it tasted like his mom..needless to say we were asked to leave.
Remember, sex is not sex til both people cross the finish line. Until then, it is just a favor.
is it sad that i can masturbate and get my big O just from thinking about a Tiffany engagement ring?
alright she left, finally time to fart up the room
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chatroulette drinking game turned into a foursome.
She was so adorably desperate I didn't have the heart to tell her I wasn't a lesbian. So now She's making waffles, may switch teams over this.
Until then we have the self affirmation from retweets and nights alone with pizza..
You then proceeded to tell me how good of a cook you were and put raw cookie dough in the champagne.
if masturbating while stoned isn't called "weed whacking" then i just don't know how to live my life anymore
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Highlight of the weekend: getting roundhouse kicked in the dick while switching from reverse cowgirl.
We walked 3 miles to the strip club. Stopped for roadies, it wasn't that bad.
Had a dream we were competing for tomatos.
I really need to stop having sex.. I haven't been able to get a brush through the back of my hair for a good week and a half
Just calm down. My foot long super joint and I will be over shortly.
I may or may not have been feeling patriotic and banged Captain America in a closet. SPOILER ALERT: We broke his shield
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