she's leaving w me bro, I've been buying her mad shots. She's seen my apt. So locked down.
I wish there was a non-hangover washing machine that I could stick myself in right now
He cummed in my mouth, then said he had to go because his best friend broke his foot falling off of a balcony, put twenty dollars in my hand and was gone before I could even swallow...
Had a couple pieces of pizza for breakfast...suck on that Jamie Oliver.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
yesterday, he said he didn't trust me around his daughter because "if she was wrapped in rolling paper u'd smoke her." yup.
I just remember thinking that if i ran really fast through the house, no one would notice i was naked.
I bet. I bought a surfboard and a kite and filled my camelback with vodka-tonics. Let's do this
I walked outside an you were laying down talking to a star about your life. That's when I took the bottle of jack away...
Everywhere I look there's another kitten this is so ideal
Can I live on acid? Kittens man. Kittens.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
So you're on like a list there now..."Do not under any circumstances give this person a knife. Serve them in plastic cups ONLY"
He plays D&D and his dick should be carved out of marble. I think I'm in love.
You know Sunday Funday was a success when 'puke and rally' came at lunchtime on Monday.
Shriek
I never truly understood the phrase ball is life until I started having to balance NBA finals and all these men with balls i'd like to handle.
Wait wait wait. You are actually taking advice from this lunatic?
This is the girl who got a balloon full of cocaine through security no questions asked. Of course I'm taking her advice.
Valid.
Yes I went home with her last night. I woke up this morning and ran into my boss on the way to the bathroom. Monday is going to suck at work.
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