He asked if I wanted to blow his flute? Please call me and pretend there is a family emergency!!!
We started hooking up and a group of freshmen outside my window started chanting my name. Encouraging yet distracting
I am at 2.05 miles in under 11 minutes. So either this thing is broke or I should always work out wasted.
Nope, I'm sticking to passive aggressive punishments. Like mismatching his socks and cumming on his leather couch. OCD is so wonderful.
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your love of good penises attached to ugly faces is disgusting and slightly disturbing.
Was last night real? Did I lick your forehead while you laid in between my legs while we laid next to your boyfriend?
It was like I was playing the clarinet on his penis. And I just kept saying I'm sorry.
Seeing your boyfriend, side piece, and great white buffalo, all in one night? Its a sign right?
Proceed with caution.
he came during what was supposed to be the foreplay blowjob. there goes my evening.
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When your hungover saltines taste like hope...
Don't have sex in a tent there are so many opportunities for infections
I'm disgusted with myself. Who goes down on their Uber driver? This asshole
WHY are you masturbating to hockey fights?
He ate me out while I was wearing a canada goose parka and a dress hand crafted by a seamstress from yellowknife. I came while watching the northern lights. Most arctic orgasm ever.
Breakfast sounds amazing but can we do IHOP instead? I have to pick up a Plan B pill and there’s a CVS next to it
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