wow, i just saw a girl period all over the floor. get my shoes
Anyone ask you how much a bj cost yet? That shirt is so whorish
Just realized my talking to the tv hockey voice is same as my sex voice. Life just got a whole lot weirder.
I woke up this morning to my phone notebook open and written was "reasons why I'm a whore in chronological order" then it listed everybody I've had sex with in the past five months.
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well.. I tried flushing my sandals down the toilet
...then she kept trying to make balloon animals with my flacid penis. I'm never drinking whisky with you again.
I haven't found him passed out in the living room covered in noodles for a while now so I guess he's getting better with the drinking.
My living room is scattered with glow sticks wrappers, sparklers, face paint & beer cans?
It's not as cool looking when the drugs wear off, is it?
Its okay, i dont mind you drinking, im just surrounded by it, there is some random dude laying on your couch with a bucket that ive never seen before
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Well it's 2pm. Time for another game of "Who, What, Where". The game where you try to guess who this girl is, what happened last night, and where'd your shit go. I'm going for 1/3 today.
That's better than I've done so far.
You were dancing with his friend and you stopped to literally push the girl he was dancing with out of the way to make out with him
It's because of weed that I don't mind driving an hour to visit my family. And it's because of you that there's weed in my life. Thank you.
Do you think you could cook pancakes while i blow you?
Tell me why I woke up with your dads construction shirt on, nothing else, and had jelly donuts with a note from a girl named cathryn that said "we had a kinky night with peanut butter". p.s. Im by the layin by the lawnmower
He ate me out in a golf cart while I watched the sunset. You are so right, golf skirts do provide amazing access.
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