Kiss
Puke
So I have to go swallow an entire zebra. Ur on ur own girl.
so the guy who showed me the apt today is now texting me and asking me out for drinks...he's at least 20 yrs oldr than me and highlights his hair, but part of me is wondering how low i can talk him down in rent during sex? wrong?
We were tigers and tigers don't wear pants
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Sorry I had passed out by this time I think, with the chicken fingers ON my face in my bed, with all the lights on, and ketchup all over.
yeah, it's no longer just 'day drinking' when it's 5pm and you're knocking over fruit displays at fresh market
It's just a condom. Most people would commend me for saying I was going to start using them, and you're acting like I'm going to try heroin.
aaaaaand im pretty certain i told that boy i just met that "his balls better be out tomorrow"
After they flagged you, you hid in a bathroom stall and text me to bring you more shots. That kind of drunk.
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I just want to eat and sleep til I'm dead. I should've been born a cat.
So you are wearing a heart monitor while drinking?
Yea, they said carry on with my everyday activity.
So I'm texting her. How do I steer the conversation toward "I honestly would be fine never seeing you again"?
I'm sorry you're hurting. Would a picture or my erect penis help?
And then you screamed, "I JUST WANNA POUR MAPLE SYRUP ALL OVER HIM AND RAVISH HIS BODY!!"
Who put my cat in the fridge?
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