I told her Billy Mays couldn't convince me to sleep with her
Literally just as i started to cum the church bells next ot my house began to ring. either it was the most epic timing ever or god was watching and congratulating me
wtf
I'm guessing you saw the bathroom?
we all know badassery is carried on the XX chromosome
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Babe when I told you that you needed to grow up I didn't mean get drunk and sponsor 8 African kids.
I FUCKING SERVED PEOPLE AND POURDED JUGS AND GOT FREE BEEEEEEEERERTERRY
Been in the ER for 3 hours now. This hospitals transition to paperless is not going well. But my doctor looks like Elton John and just gave me percocet
Wanna hang out, and by hang out I mean go get plan B... and maybe lunch, but mostly plan b
You should try cooking mac & cheese naked sometime. It's quite relaxing.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I forgive you, at least you vote. I found out my fuck buddy isn't even registered. I won't fuck a non respectable citizen.
i've written a new chapter in the saga of unexpected dongs
I can't wait for you to tell me about your sex.
It's a short, short story.
I may have been mad at the Supreme Court/patriarchy and tried to hate fuck myself.
the last thing i heard from her was "i wanna get fucked by a stranger" and i haven't seen her since
I let a 30 year old guitar player that works at a call center go down on me in his backseat last night
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