Did you REALLY have to twitter about our sex last night?
yesterday i saw a blind man guiding himself into a NYC tour bus... and i thought i waste money
I mean, keeping the tube socks on AND taking cell phone pictures that he didn't ask for during sex? that's two strikes kiddo.
There are empty beer cans all over and the go-kart is missing. I need it for my halloween costume.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Doctorate. Vaginahole. Cinnamon. Rainbow. Fill in the blanks in the morning.
Next person that gets my dog drunk is paying to have my carpet cleaned. I am tired of getting up to pee and stepping in dog barf.
You look cute and you are awesome. And that means something coming from a judgmental bitch
You should have seen her, she looked like a skinny Jabba The Hutt
That literally makes no sense
Exactly
I'm not surprised. You have the libido of an Italian soccer team.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I walked in her room to find her rubbing lotion on her face high as fuck.
Its 8 in the morning and I wouldn't pass a breathalyzer test, How's your day been?
He told me he wished he could shrink down to a small size so he could live inside my cleavage
I didn't pay $79 for lingerie for you to cum in 30 seconds
You're gonna be sprawled out basking in the sun working on your tan like a ridiculously hot iguana, and I'm gonna be here bundled up in about 72 layers just so I don't freeze my dick off looking like the Michelin man's gay cousin
i apologize, I may have called you an iguana
Mistakes were made
I’m traumatised. Bring vodka and condoms.
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