On my way, I hope you have alcohol for me to blame stuff on...
I'm so hungover even the car commercials make me nauseas
It's like trying to pry an octopus off you. Except the octopus speaks English and can get drunk.
at least the cop wrote "happy birthday" on the ticket.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Found a guy passed out on the coffee table with a thong duct taped from ear to ear.
Between the plague n the counterfeit drugs we brought back from mexico I'm not thinking too highly of their country right now. Screw mexican homeless men.
Don't worry I drank 7 more beers & brought home a guy that bit me at the bar.
Maybe tomorrow I'll be drunk again and can provide you with texts at a more reasonable hour. Here's hoping. GOodnight. Tebow loves you
I want "hickeys on my ass" sex
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I am pretty damn sure that neither my body or his body is ready for how drunk I am getting tonight
One good thing out of all this is her ass is huge. Like Australia Big.
I tried to settle their lesbian roommate fight by turning on Pretty Wild
the last thing i heard from her was "i wanna get fucked by a stranger" and i haven't seen her since
You invited these random guys into your apartment that you met in the hallway...& then you started screaming at them to get out cause you didn't know who they were.
I climbed on the arm of the futon, flapping my hand fan frantically and hissing imprecations at the smoke detector
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