OMG! Someone dumped chocolate soft-serve in the bathroom! Dibs!
I am at a striph cluv. They are ovealls everywhere. I have hot rock botto.
You stayed up for three hours wasted, feeding my rabbit 2 1/2 boxes of girl scout cookies.
The trick is to not slur when purchasing the condoms at 3am
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I walked into his living room and saw him watching the play-offs while eating tomato paste out of the can with a bottle of wine. I'm telling you to stop talking to him. now.
I just bought condoms at Big Lots. please save this text so you can laugh at me in 9 months
in my defence, i did try to get you to put your shirt back on, then you screamed at me to stop telling you what to do
My team for a project is gonna have weekly meetings at a bar. yessss. they will do all the work while i thor hammer down beers.
The bouncer was just about to kick Sarah out for getting with this guy 'too physically'. I told him that was 'her style' and he let them stay. Banter.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'd rather not be labeled as that girl who came over, drank a bunch of their alcohol, woke up the 5 year old, broke shit and left
Gotta admit I did think about bartering you out to the gay guys for $20 and the dudes flashy neck scarf
On way back. With a shopping cart. Minimal casualties.
Ah, drunk me ordered sushi at 3 a.m. for sober me's lunch the next day. EXCELLENT
I'm going to reward myself for having sex with coffee and a breakfast burrito.
Laying in bed naked is fun. I now see why guys love boobs... They're sooo bouncy! This long distance relationship is really killing my sex life.
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