So I'm banging this nun...
Isn't that how all good stories start? I like it already...
Just realized our kids will one day call us old because we were around when texting came about. I'm sad.
Jeff just maced a waitress...it's way too early for this.
Well idk about you but my nose is all recovered for the weekend.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
My neighbors are outside blasting Hootie and the Blowfish while drunkenly hitting a stump with a hammer. I could get used to this.
They just called to see if he wanted to come in at 2am for overtime. He's trashed. He literally carried on a 10 minute convo with his boss about woodchucks. As in the animal
Oh God! I'm naked from the waist down playing records. Too drunk. I don't even know what to do.
Balls out but with a shirt on. Eating ravioli. I don't know how to deal with this.
Don't you dare blame me for walking in one walking in on ur fuck session....u decided to fuck where we hid our booze
You thought your socks were broken. They were just inside out.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
We are keeping it ultra classy drinking 40s and playing croquet with 90s rap blasting in the back ground
Youll thank me when youre dead an dont have a cat eating your face
Yeah but you let me touch your butt. You're clearly the winner.
I'm really proud of my unchallenged ability to convert boob guys into ass men
See I am maturing. I just got in from my DRIVE of shame......
and i walked downstairs to find my brother using nunchucks, and making the appropriate noises. i simply asked "why"; his reply? "why the fuck do you think?". i love my family.
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