need another drink. this is the easiest way
I got drunk at the beach today. I got the word Badass! tatooed all the way across my foot. Probably a bad idea.
It was so romantic--he turned me around to face the sunset during doggy-style over the couch back.
and after you realized your puke was bright blue, you started crying hysterically and screaming, "I DON'T WANT TO BE A SMURF!" no more uv blue for you.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I get a nice feeling when i open my fridge and see it filled with thirty beers and half a leftover jimmy johns pickle.
I only have two new blunt burns this year as opposed to freshman year's 6. This is growing up.
It's okay, I climbed on the roof of the bar to get my shoe back. This may become a Saturday tradition. I'll keep you updated
That bitch ruined vodka saturday
Just found an "inspected with pride" sticker on or around my vagina
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
That's exactly how my pussy feels when I shave it. Like a cross between a naked mole rat and a newborn child. Embrace it.
I'm gonna do some tripping... In the direction of balls
In her defense, she didn't know I had a twin brother. Plus, we're even: I banged her sister.
I'm worried my dog collar isn't going to come in time. I might be trying on dog collars at PetSmart next week. That could get awkward.
You rolled over grabbed my crotch and said "that's my waffle." I'm sleeping on the couch next time.
the last thing is remember is that strange guy in the leotard...i woke up in my bed, naked, with a half eaten grilled cheese on my nightstand, a six pack in the fridge, a new pack of cigarettes on my pillow and coke in my purse. apparently i bought some drugs, shopped and cooked. typical.
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