gin and tonic in a mug. no limes so im using canned madarin oragnes. classy or trashy?
homeless.
This guy just brought his piggy bank into the bar with him. Talk about corruption of childhood.
There are empty beer cans all over and the go-kart is missing. I need it for my halloween costume.
youre not allowed to be friends with girls ive double teamed. period.
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I demanded respect from my fuck buddy. Drunk me is not fun.
As she was leaving she said "You have an awesome penis, I hope to use it again soon" I need that on a business card to hand out at the bar
It was your ex but it was not eighties night, it was pudding wrestling. And either thank you or I'm sorry depending on the state of my pants left on the doorstep
I don't think she considers it a date unless she publicly urinates
You have not lived until you have drunkenly grinded on your mother. Daughter of the year right here.
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We found her on the balcony debating if it was easier to jump or throw up. Neither decision would not have been good for the 91 year old below us.
Also, I'm kinda hungover this morning and I need to wire money to my lawyer. So this is what adulthood feels like
I wrote a pretty good eulogy, too. Motherfucker pastor had no sense of comedic timing.
Well I can cross 'get my dick slathered in coconut oil while watching the bob's burgers porn parody' off my bucket list.
Worst case: you're extra horny, have no control of your mouth or actions, and maybe murder someone. Child's play.
I am at a cat party and I just witnessed people lapping vodka out of a bowl for a contest. Lol
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