you keep denying me to hang out, should i take a hint?
you keep asking me after midnight, should i take a hint?
just thought you should know that she got home at about 6am.... totally wasted. she was locked out and when i finally came to the door she was on a patio across the street with some random making hotdogs on somebodys elses bbq.
The girl sitting next to me in class is writing her to-do list under the title 11/31.
someone put bongwater in my humidifier again THIS NEEDS TO STOP
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
She just said she wanted to get freaky and left the room. I'm almost certain I just heard the microwave.
Well it was 11am and we were walking to the market with red cups in our hands yelling NO JUDGEMENT at every car that passed
He told me I was a pleasure to arrest. That's the 2nd time I've heard that.
Had to go to the urgent for a physical and I gave them my fake. Nurse was a sport though
You'd think, but when you nail one sorority sister, you might as well have nailed them all.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Also adulthood=replacing meals with bourbon. And not getting your hair caught in a fan.
Dude, I puked in the stall for God knows how long. Halfway through, a kid sits down in the stall next to me and starts jacking off, i heard the porn on his phone and everything. so FYI, the middle stall is where good nights go to die
She just texted me apologizing for taking selfies on my phone then asked me to send them to her
Hey, I took a sweater from your house. And, um, your little brother's virginity.
"Work from home" is code for "morning drinks" right?
found one of my socks in the dishwsaher... xanax
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