fine then we can just have courtesy sex i definetly won't like it
you started whispering 'the itsy bitsy spider' while you were putting your hands up my shorts.
do you ever facebook stalk someone so much you think their inside jokes are yours?
Seriously. You just grinded your ass all over the heisman trophy's dick. I want you to think about that.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
does it count as cheating if I'm bettering him for his girlfriend?
He was ugly. Like horse ugly. But he was built for power, not for speed.
and yes i will spend 10 dollars on a vibrating toothbrush to masturbate but not a calculator for my test
Somebody found our where I was and called the bar looking for me. When the bartender called my name I finished my beer and took off like a fugitive.
Hide in the closet. if you hear me yell patato salad come out swinging.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
It's a little sad/awesome that I scored coke within 60 seconds of walking in the bar.
The student becomes the teacher.
YOU JUST GOT OUT OF THE HOSPITAL AND YOU'RE ALREADY DRINKING?!
How I know that I'm single: when I get a save the date for a wedding & I read "& guest" my first thought was does my bottle of Jack Daniels count.
Oh and he asked if I would occasionally still blow him if we had children. It was so romantic.
Like when your most normal sex dream is you being a prostitute, you know it's been one long ass dry spell.
ALL I WANT IS SEMEN IN/ON/AROUND MY BODY. WHY IS HE MAKING THIS SO HARD.
Randomize