I mean she's dancing like an epileptic patato and i'd like to slap her
One person in the car. Three blizzards. Alot of judging.
I knew as soon as I saw that pole that I was going to wake up the next morning with bruises.
Cops busted the party. A kid dressed as a dinosaur tried to crawl out the bathroom window but his tail got stuck. It took 3 cops to pry him out.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I have no words
Neither did my mom, when she walked in on me squating with my balls in a cup of hot water.
I was just reelected president of justgotlaidsylvania
WHO THE FUCK TAGS THEMSELVES AT COUNTY JAIL?!?!
I think that's mostly how we became friends.
Well that, and your desire to put your penis in me.
You were telling me last night 101 proof was nothing and you needed 400 proof or better yet military or marine proof, because you're marine grade.... You rascal.
I'm puking in a turkey pan....
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I made friends with the delivery guy because he had beautiful dread locks and was a Zelda fan. He texted me after he left saying he wasn't trying to be creepy but we should be friends. We're hanging out tomorrow.
How does this kind of shit happen to you?!
I couldn't break up with him while I was wearing a Hakuna Matata shirt.
Sometimes I refuse to go through a door until someone holds it open for me because I'm a fucking lady.
She was topless, yelling this is Sparta, threatening to push her dad into the sewer. I am pretty sure she won't be at school.
How do you say happy birthday to someone you fuck occasionally that almost got you arrested? Like what do I text.
I’m drunk and naked and looking for my charger - title of my autobiography.
Randomize