we had that weird still in bed morning after conversation. Her dad is the vp of my company.
Whenever I don't wipe thoroughly after shitting, I just think that anyone if anyone sticks their finger up my ass, they had it coming.
Mother nature decided I wasn't going to be a whore today. Fuck her.
she was pooping while we were on video chat. new level of love.
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I think I should receive an honorary Heisman... I mean, I did sleep with two of the finalists
after she pushed someone down the stairs to get more vodka we lost her for a while and found her on the pole in the garage pouring water on herself
I met a bunch of Germans and said in german "this is for the fatherland" and poured a beer on my head
Just ate a gummy bear I found in my sheets. So yeah, 2013 is SO gonna be my year.
I love you, but it's "shark week" I'll make it up to you with naked breakfast.
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he didn't stitch me up last time. in fact, he yelled at me for bleeding.
At some point he mentioned fried rice and take out... I don't think we know how sexting works
Well the other day she asked me how often I jerk off. So I guess things are getting semi-serious
Am I the only one who saw the used condom in the driveway this morning
Banged a girl last night wearing nothing but my Team USA Olympic jersey. I think it's safe to say that nut was for America.
Only thing I have going for me is jacking off, weed, and saturdays
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