he used a semicolon in his bootycall text, of course he's not gonna go down on me.
I just saw the pics of me from the costume party as Party Boy. I've effectively cock-blocked myself forever.
before you smothered your pizza in mayo you blotted it with a napkin saying you were trying to watch your fat intake
I'm out of vodka and money. My semester is officially over. The way I see it, my finals are just forms I need to fill out in order to leave campus.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I listened to the last 10 minutes of that 20 minute voicemail, it's solid gold. At one point he literally suggests we buy tasers and go around shooting people.
Europeans suck. I just gave him head and somehow i am the one paying for the coffee
We crashed a rave, threw glitter all over Gay Dan and the bartender, broke a chandelier and called ourselves the Kings of Neon.
Well apparently I decided it was easier I piss in the trash can at waffle house than In the toilet. Would've been ok if the trash can was in the bathroom.
Remember when you fed me goldfish while I was -inside- of someone?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
dude, I convinced you I was your conscience for like 15 minutes last night. you weren't just "a little high"
Dudes don't just lick butts of chicks they're not into.
Would you like to get an apartment bong? It can be like our pet and we can give it a name.
I just want to give face wipes a shout out for being there when im too tired or high to wash my face at night
I got locked into my place today. You might be wondering if that was a typo... It's not.
Tonight I totally got eaten out in the old school photo booth in the mall. Will send you pics of the photo reel asap
Randomize