Stop being a whore!!! Everyone can see!!!!
$1.99 mimosas n bloodys til 3. Happy hour starts at 4. We're gonna ride the mechanical bull to kill the hour inbetween.
Please take video.
can you explain why there is a dead rabbit in my front seat?
idk, I had a turtle in mine.
then he pulled down his pants, and i just stared for about a minute..... i was so confused. i didnt know my cat could have a bigger penis than an 18 year old man.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
My mom seriously just told me my insurance company pays for rehab. In an email. I expect a real, not just us joking, intervention coming on. I'm not accepting a "lunch date" with that bitch.
They gave me a glowstick necklace to wear so they could locate me if I wandered off into the woods
we all took turns holding you up and pretending that you were simba and that we were presenting you to the jungle
We will. we just need a little inspiration.... in smoke form.
I am one Jewel song away from suicide watch
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Phone sex soon? I mean date. Sex date. Date phone.
all 3? possibly?
I think I'm up to the challenge.
Well, we won the drunk before noon contest!
My night ended with a French cab driver offering me his sperm free of cost.
I did a kegel this morning to determine if I had been penetrated during last night's blackout. Nope.
He corrected my spelling during sexting.
You claimed that someone else had vomited underneath you/on your hand
you were very insulted that we didn’t believe you that someone else vommed
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