Dude! wtf happend last nite? I woke up with 2 black eyes and a head ache
You stepped off the curb and face planted the road...twice
Why didnt you hold me up....and why a second time?
I helped you up but figured it was wayy funnier to watch you fall again then lose my buzz....
I plan on using my big titties for evil tonight.
puked in the new hous. now it's officially home.
saw a man at the beach in a red speedo. when he rolled over he unintentionally displayed a HUGE skid mark.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I was amazed that you fell flat on your ass and still managed not to spill them drinks in your hands. Your getting good at this.
Just found out for my occult lit class (history of cults) final project is making a spellbook. Hello last term of college.
And then he proceeded to take my heartbeat, because apparently that tells him whether I was faking or not...
Who is he, asking me if im dtf without a question mark
...
Bring the pizza ill bring the boundaries we can cross
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
i wear a size 32DD bra. its basically impossible for me to get a speeding ticket
So unless we're getting married, I can't see him cry AND have sex with him. It just doesn't work like that.
He can't just hit it and quit it and then eat your pop tarts on his way out.
This German chick looked me up and down for a while. Then she grabbed my crotch, let go after a few seconds, and said "you vill do". I think I'm gonna like tonight.
I just watched an old episode of Daria while eating brownies to cure day drunkness. Clearly I'm winning at adulting today.
also, my mom just called to make sure the dick tattoo on your arm was fake..
Randomize