Woke up this morning 8 levels higher in Call of Duty then when I started drinking... told you I was better when I was drunk.
We stopped her at 12
12 shots? Or 12 midnight?
Which answer would freak you out less
He kept screaming "it's so seductive" while he was humping the wall
Sorry about the voicemail last night, people in hostel thought getting the clap from cheating on me wasn't enough and you hearing a 6 foot 5 Swedish dude bang the shit out of me was needed.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Im sorry that my initial plan of you grabbing his dick didnt work out but Im glad you grabbed his heart
... I threw up in the shower this morning
You were "I'm not drunk" drunk.
I was feeling sad so bedroom vodka seemed like the best solution at the time.
I'm sitting on the toilet just to avoid my bosses look of disapproval
YOU KNOW BRAZILIAN BOYS ARE MY WEAKNESS
GOOGLE HAS JUST RELEASED AN UPDATE THAT ALLOWS YOU TO CATCH POKEMON USING MAPS. Pack your shit, our time has COME.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm home now if you wanna come over.
Sloane just tried to lick my eyeball. I'm going to regain my composure then I'll be there.
I'm perplexed as to why anyone on this planet is straight
And speaking of good acting I may have a sex tape now
being broke is really keeping my alcoholism in check
Did you throw up out the back door and cover it with paper towels?
Someone made a mask out of a crown royal bag. Can't decide if tacky or awesome.
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